74 - I’M BACK BITCHES. (ft. Jessica Benstock)

Feb 13

Feb 13 74 - I’M BACK BITCHES. (ft. Jessica Benstock)

I’M BACK! It’s been a long time since the last one of these Payday’s with Rayray, but today I’m joined by my best friend Jessica Benstock to share with you all why I haven’t been uploading and who better to talk about it with than Jessica, who's been right by my side. In this episode, Jessica helps me unpack all that's happened since my last episode. I've received a ton of questions from all of you over the last year about my life transitions and how I've been handling them (and not handling them). I hope this conversation gives you a deeper understanding of why I've made some major shifts in my life and where I'm headed in the future.

“I left everything to reach my highest service. But I left not knowing what my highest service would be, and I knew I wouldn’t know until I completely let go.”

This is me speaking uncensored about my experience in life because there’s been a lot of censoring that I’ve done to myself as a result of being hurt, and that’s one of the reasons I haven’t shared my story sooner. This episode is a liberation for me. So, tune in to hear Jessica and I discuss why I left absolutely everything to find what my highest service is and for the first time in my life figure out what I’m like when I’m not trying to prove that I’m good.

Here’s a glance at what you’ll hear from me in this episode:

Why I let go of every single client
What happened to OCA and what caused me to give it all up
How I plan to find and follow my north star

Timestamps:

0:00 - Introduction
0:32 – Why I haven’t been public in the last year
8:12 – What led me to taking a sabbatical and retiring my coaching persona
14:45 – How OCA became something that ran me and my light for it dwindled
22:20 – Why I felt like I had to perform and how it encouraged negativity
30:28 - What it was like to see everything that I built crumble through my fingers
37:05 – The structures that I did keep in my life when leaving almost everything
42:25 – How reaching out for help became my ritual and allowing my own masculine and feminine energies guide me
46:20 – How I let go and put the brakes on work and allowed myself to find what I truly valued
53:10 – My deep hidden resentment and fear of other people and how I stopped being afraid of them
59:10 – Finding permission to speak up, finding help from others and listening to instinct
1:08:40 – Following my new north star and where I go from here